Geographies of Kinship

I think one really awesome thing about the Korean adoption community is that we are a global community.  Though most Korean adoptees have come to the US, representation can be found in Australia, France, Norway, Japan and many more countries.  Collectively we are fluent in numerous languages and cultures.  To me, there is a sense of both beauty and power in that.  It makes me excited for what our community is doing now and for the potential we have to do great things in the future.

Deann Borshay Liem, a filmmaker and Korean adoptee, is truly honoring our global community through her upcoming documentary, Geographies of Kinship.  I am so very excited for this film as it follows the lives of five Korean adoptees around the world.  Watching just the preview for it already got me misty eyed over the weekend.  The film has been seeking financial support over the past month and its online fundraiser is about to end.  Although the funding goal has already been met, please at least take a look at the preview and consider offering your support!  I think this will be storytelling at its best and a beautiful tribute to the Korean adoption community.

Link here: Geographies of Kinship

My own Jenny and Juno

The amount of information I know about my birth parents is small enough to take up half a postcard. Maybe less, actually. All I have is a handful of numbers and generic descriptors to go by. She was described as ‘outgoing’ and he as ‘shy’ as well as ‘a lover of music’. And as far as numbers are concerned, she was 5’3”, 100 pounds, and he was 5’7”. (Despite growing up on a different diet and not being athletic at all, I’m quite close to my omma’s size now.) Of this modest pile of trivia, however, I always come back to age. At the time of my birth, she was 16 and he was 17. They were kids. I always knew the ages of my birth parents, but as a child, naturally, teenagers seemed old to me. It wasn’t until I became a teenager myself that I realized just how young and inexperienced teenagers still are. When I turned 16, my first thoughts weren’t on my driver’s license, but on my lack of readiness to bring a child into the world. And I realized that that is exactly what my omma did. Perspective sure is an interesting thing, isn’t it?

I recently watched a 2005 Korean movie called Jenny, Juno. The protagonists are 15 year old classmates Jenny and Juno who are dating and soon find themselves dealing with pregnancy. It’s not a very serious movie at all. In fact, I’d say it falls more into the vein of sugarcoated romantic comedy. Which is..interesting given the subject matter and cultural context. From what I understand, South Korea has some of the world’s lowest teenage pregnancy rates. It kind of makes me wonder, if the rates are low now, what were they like in 1985-1986 when my omma was carrying me? What was the experience like for her and my appa? Jenny, Juno just made it all look too easy. Granted it IS a fictional movie taking place in a much more recent time period. I didn’t go into this expecting a factual documentary. That would be like watching The Princess Diaries to understand how a monarchy works.

Jenny, Juno may not have been a life-changing masterpiece, but it still made me think. It made a million different questions trigger in my head which I may never know the answers to. I found myself wondering about the context in which my birth parents lived during the pregnancy. Did they discuss what to do? Did my appa even know? Did their families offer any support? I even found myself lingering on minute things. What kind of foods did my omma crave while she was pregnant? What music did she listen to? What current events was she hearing about on the news or in the paper? I have an imagination that can run like a cheetah. Creative writing is one of my life’s great loves. I could paint a whole picture of what my omma, appa and their environment were like the year I was born. It would probably be far from accurate, but it’s something. My aunt once told me her own conjecture about my birth parents: that they were just two teenagers who fell in love or at least thought they were in love. That’s the kind of story that speaks to the optimist in you, that you want to believe. Maybe they had a love that was as innocent as Jenny and Juno’s. If I never know the answer, I will at least always hope they did.

Adopted: Part II

Adding onto my last entry, I just wanted to write a little more about Adopted. For starters, I liked the movie very much and would recommend it to anyone interested in broadening their perspective on transracial and transnational adoption. It was released, wow, four years ago, so I’m sure it’s nothing new to many. It was the first film I have ever watched relating specifically to adoption. There was so much to latch onto, so I apologize if my writing loses cohesion.

For those not familiar, I promise not to spoil too much! The movie follows two adoptions stories; one of 32 year old Jennifer Fero, a KAD facing her identity struggle and confronting her parents, the other of John and Jacqui, a couple in the process of adopting a child from China. The latter is focused on less in the documentary, but I was touched by their story (not to mention they have the same names as my parents!). I can not at all claim to know what it is like to be a parent, not yet at least. This couple, like my parents, were unable to get pregnant. I see that some parents of transracial adoptees get flack for how they handled raising their children and I do not intend to excuse parents for being colorblind and making their childrens’ birth cultures secondary. However, the couple in Adopted reminded me of the pain many parents have gone through prior to making the decision to adopt. I feel that this pain should be validated. Everyone involved in adoption brings a perspective and deserves to be listened to and empathized with. John and Jacqui really struck a soft spot with me. Their joy was so visible as they interacted with their new daughter. Finally. After failed attempts to get pregnant, they had a child and could identify themselves as mom and dad.

Jennifer Fero’s story felt like a significant contrast to John and Jacqui’s. Hers was full of sadness as she sought identity and understanding from her parents, including one who was terminally ill. This was hard to watch, especially since my own mom has been in life-threatening condition a few times. Nevertheless, Jennifer spoke so openly and I admired her courage in confronting her parents about her feelings. It was hard listening to their responses, which were often mixed with sorrow and resistance. There was no doubt that they loved her, but she was telling them things they clearly didn’t want to hear. Of the many poignant observations Jennifer made, I most connected with her notion that adoptees work hard to protect their parents. Yes, yes and yes. This is me, absolutely. And I can only imagine how hard it was for Jennifer to actually tell her parents about the lack she felt when she protected them for so long. I’m not sure that Jennifer felt like a strong person in this movie, but I thought that she exhibited great strength.

So, I recommend Adopted if you haven’t seen it already! Of course, I also have to throw out a friendly suggestion not to overgeneralize. My mom connected with John and Jaqui’s experience in some ways and I connected with Jennifer’s in some ways, but these two stories do not represent every parent and adoptee story. Even so, very worth watching and not something I will forget.

Watching Adopted with my mom

I recently rented Barb Lee's film Adopted. Initially I was just going to watch it by myself later this evening, but when I told my mom what the movie was, she wanted to see it, too. So, we watched it together this morning. I will dedicate a proper post to the film itself at another time. Right now, my mind is on my mom's reaction to the movie. I can't say I was shocked because I have at least some idea of where my mom stands regarding my adoption. You might call her an old school mom, seeing as she adopted in the 80's; a time period when Korean adoption was at its peak, when attitudes regarding adoption were different than they are now and when there were literally fewer adult adoptee voices to talk of their experiences. The film did not sugar coat the experience of 32 year old adult adoptee Jennifer Fero whose story, to me, was just heartbreaking. When the film was over, I asked my mom what she thought. Her response was that it was 'depressing' and that 'that girl didn't adjust well'. My response was that I felt it was important for her struggle to be documented and that I could identify with many things she said or felt. This surprised my mom and led to a slightly uncomfortable conversation about racism. Fero was taunted at her predominantly white school for being Asian. My mom said, "Well, you never had that problem in school". I hesitated and then ended up dispeling this notion for her. Her words were sincere. She truly thought that I didn't experience racism growing up. I finally told her about the boys at school who made crude comments to me about Chinese porn and the father of a friend who called me a chink. It was a hard conversation for both of us. I could tell she felt a little hurt that I never told her about these incidents when they happened. Had I told her, I'm positive she would have folded me in her arms with love and acceptance, but she will never know what it is to actually be an Asian female in this society. This is no fault of hers. She is what she is. I am what I am. Watching Adopted today made me realize that this journey of exploration I am on will ultimately not affect just me. I'm glad my mom and I watched the movie together, even if it led to discomfort. I even told her about this blog. We might not be on the same page, but I want her to always know that she is welcome to be a part of this journey with me.