Reflecting on Somebody's Daughter

It’s taken me ages to get around to this post, probably because I didn’t love the book, but I’m finally up to sharing. About three weeks ago I finished reading Marie Lee’s novel Somebody’s Daughter, a fictional story which follows the separate lives of Korean American adoptee, Sarah Thorson, and her birth mother, Kyung Sook. I really wanted to love it, but that didn’t happen. From a purely literary standpoint, I thought the writing and character development were weak. Not horrible; the author has some obvious skill, but I somehow desired more. Just getting into the novel was hard and then staying with it was even harder. The biggest letdown for me was my inability to connect with Sarah Thorson. This is the first adult-level novel I’ve read about an adoptee, so I didn’t know exactly what to expect. Adoptees are all individuals who process this shared piece of identity in their own way. I didn’t expect Sarah to be a mirror of myself, but I was hoping we’d relate on some level. Kyung Sook’s story actually resonated more with me, perhaps because I found her to be more likeable overall. There were a few moments in the novel which moved me. I won’t spoil, but I do have to share my joy at Sarah learning the children’s song Santoki (meaing ‘mountain bunny’). The friend who taught her deemed it a song known by all Korean children. And I know it! I learned it when I was four and I still remember it. It’s just a small piece of culture, but knowing about it means a lot to me. I learned that song like any other Korean child; just in a different part of the world. If I got anything out of the book, it was happy tears from this moment..to be counted among those Korean children.

Somebody’s Daughter is not getting a place among my favorites, but I wouldn’t discourage anyone from reading it. Everyone takes something different from a book, right? To echo an older post, I do want to point out that the author, although Korean, is not an adoptee. That could be one reason why I had such a hard time relating to Sarah’s character. I don’t know what kind of research Lee did to write this portrayal, but I found Sarah to be one-dimensional and inaccessible. At the end of the day, I must remember that the novel is fictional. It just turned out to not be my cup of tea. Ah well. There are more adoption stories out there and non-fiction to boot. I’m eyeing Jane Jeong Trenka’s memoir right now. Or maybe Mei-Ling Hopgood’s. I almost gave my blog the same name as her book! Adoptees always get labeled as ‘lucky’, don’t we?

In our own words

I just finished re-reading Digging to America by Anne Taylor. It follows the lives of two American families who first meet at the airport where both are picking up their adopted baby girls from Korea. One of the families is Iranian and the book often focuses on the varying degrees of challenge they face assimilating to America, particularly the grandmother, Maryam, who immigrated from Iran as a young bride. I feel as though the story had a lot of potential, but I was ultimately disappointed and even more so on this second read when I am a little more self-aware and critical.

Where to begin.. I cannot help but wonder what motivated Tyler to write this story. She writes about Maryam’s long buried, personal feelings of being an outsider. She writes about adoption. However, she herself is an outsider to these experiences. She is a white woman, born and raised in America. She never adopted children. Why this story? Why these characters? What made her feel she could write genuine portrayals? To be fair, I feel that all writers write outside their experience. And some of them are damn good at it. Tyler is a prolific, Pulitzer prize-winning author, but after reading other reviews of Digging to America, it seems that this book was received as one of her weaker publications. Perhaps I would have liked this story better if it were written by someone else.

One reason why I started this blog was to simply get my voice out there, even if it only reaches a handful of people. The words of adoptees are important and underrepresented. I still have a collection of childhood books about Korea and adoption on my shelf which I rifled through recently. As it turns out, the authors of over half of these books are neither Korean nor adopted. They are primarily teachers, parents of adoptees and missionaries. I could be sweet about things. I could offer my thanks and praise to these individuals and to Anne Tyler for bringing light to a population so infrequently in the spotlight. But the truth is that I’m a bit irritated. It is my opinion that the best way adoptees can be supported is through empowerment. Don’t write our stories for us. Instead, encourage us to speak. Who else can tell our stories better?